It may seem as though writing about something that actually happened would be easier than imagining a story out of thin air. And if the real events you’re writing about are stories from your own life, well then, what could be easier? You were there, after all. All the details, characters, dialogue, and scenes are all there in your memory waiting to be tapped, right?

Those of you who are writing your memoir who have recently completed your draft are probably laughing hysterically right now.

There’s a significant difference between putting all your memories down on paper and writing a memoir, which is a literary work that turns aspects of your life into a compelling story for readers to get lost in. Avoid making these three beginner’s mistakes and your manuscript will immediately be ahead of the curve.

Starting at the Beginning

It’s important for any would-be memoirist to understand a fundamental difference between memoirs and autobiographies: Autobiographies cover the full expanse of your life, while memoirs focus on a particular time period or theme. It’s quite common to start an autobiography with your birth, moving from there in to the formative years of your childhood, and so on. That’s because the point of an autobiography is to reveal how the details of a person’s life made her who she is today.

However, beginning a memoir with your birth or even your childhood is a sure way to turn readers off. Unless your memoir is about your childhood—and your childhood contains elements that are fascinating and relevant to the themes of your story—you’re just going to bore your audience. Ultimately, a good memoir tells a good story, and in that way it’s a lot like a novel. You want to choose a starting place that immediately captures your reader’s attention, creating interest and even empathy. If your reader doesn’t care what happens to you, he won’t keep turning the pages.

Telling the Whole Story

When it comes to stories pulled from real life, we have a tendency to stick to the facts. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this impulse, and indeed many writers have been severely attacked for not being factual enough in their memoirs. But just because you’re sticking to the facts of what happened doesn’t mean you need to include every single detail of what happened. Do we really need to know all the reasons your ex-husband was lousy in bed? Does it enhance the reading experience to share precisely what your brother said to your mother on that one fateful Sunday?

I repeat: A good memoir tells a good story. That means it’s as important that you learn what to leave out as well as what to leave in, what to summarize with exposition and what to reveal through fully developed scenes. Even though a memoir is non-fiction, it relies heavily on the same storytelling techniques of the fiction writer. If you haven’t already, pick up a few good how-to writing books that focus on plot and narrative skills.

Thinking It’s All About You

Given that a memoir is, essentially, a story that revolves around you and some aspect of your life, it’s natural to think that the book is all about you. That is a huge mistake. “But Ally,” you may be thinking. “How can a book about me not be all about me?” What you’re forgetting is that all books, no matter the subject, are also about the audience. Or, I should say, all books meant to be read and not just put in a drawer. No matter how personal your story, if you want other people to read and enjoy it, then you have to remember the book is also about them—what they want to know, what they want to experience, what moves them, what they will or will not understand without your help.

When you’re writing for therapeutic reasons, you’re writing only for yourself. But when you’re writing for publication, you’re writing for your ideal reader: That’s the person who is most likely to be interested in and engaged by your story. This can be most difficult for memoirists who have an agenda like making a political point or teaching a lesson. It’s okay to enlighten your readers. It’s not okay to use your book like a soapbox. A successful memoir isn’t just a vehicle through which you get to say whatever it is you want to say—remember, a successful book is a two way street. If you want to get a point across, you must do it in such a way that the reader enjoys the process regardless. In other words, the point is almost besides the point.

Have you struggled with these problems while writing your own memoir? Please share your experiences in the comments section below. I’d love to hear about it.

Founder of The Writer’s Ally, Ally E. Machate is a bestselling book collaborator, award-winning editor, and expert publishing consultant who loves using her insider knowledge and experience with the publishing industry to lead serious authors toward success. She and her team live to help make great books happen, whether that means showing a writer how to improve a manuscript, get an agent, or self-publish; or coaching an author on growing her platform to sell more books. Since 1999, she has supported hundreds of authors on their publishing journey and takes pride in serving as their books’ best ally.